Dating back
four generations it has been customary for a African woman to go on her knees
or at the very least curtsey when serving her husband a meal. This act has
multifaceted cultural undertones in regards to the subjection of women.
I asked a
married friend who lives in New York, why it was important for his wife to
kneel when handing him his food. “It being respectful and following her
culture,” he said. How do the sexes evolve with such hindrances? It was
shocking to find discover that a African man who has been residing in New York
for fifteen years expects his wife to take on the identity of the weaker sex.
Such subordination is symbolic of the problems that often arise in such
relationships. This subjection is the very tool that drives women to wrap
themselves up in self-deprecating cocoons with no hope of emancipation. During
my most recent two year sabbatical in Africa, I interviewed women for a book I
am currently working on. A lot of the women had marital problems that sprouted
from subjection, no independence and lack of acceptance as an equal sex.
A
successful African business lady in her thirties once told me to never air out
my views and opinions to a man for he will feel disrespected and challenged. “A
good African woman knows her place and keeps quiet no matter how much
conviction she may be festering.” At the time I was dating a African man. I
tried to put her advice into practice but I couldn’t sell my soul to the devil
known as the “subjection of women.” I believe in mutual respect and
communication.
I ended a
relationship with a African man who thought it was normal to subject me to
societal norms I had not been accustomed to. I was born in Europe, grew up in
Africa but left for North America just after my eighteenth birthday. Kneeling
for a man is a part of my culture that I refuse to do. I could certainly kneel for the patriarchs in
my family but I refuse to kneel for a partner. Respect comes in many forms.
Unfortunately I could never kneel for a partner because it takes away from the
emancipation of women.
I don’t
think I’m going to live to see the day a African man kneels for his wife while
serving her food. I’d love to see the day when a African man and woman have
equal footing in this ritual known as eating. It all makes me wonder. If I
hated a man’s guts and didn’t have any respect for him but I knelt for him, in
his eyes would I be a well cultured and respectful African woman?
If a woman
decides to kneel and curtsey for her partner out of her own volition then I
commend her. I support actions that are based on love because they mean more
than culturally set norms. I’d also like to point out that there are many
westernized African men out there who don’t expect a woman to kneel and do all
the house chores… I digress…I’ll leave that topic for another time.
By Mandy Nembaware
Mandy is a writer who
enjoys exploring her African heritage and expresses her convictions through
poetry, short prose and essays. She was born in England, grew up in Zimbabwe,
lived in Canada for nine years where she attained a BA from Concordia
University and she is currently in New York. She can be contacted on mandynembaware@gmail.com
No comments:
Post a Comment